What’s in a Name? A List of BDSM Terminology
If it excites and scares you at the same time, it’s gotta be worth the try.
BDSM hits both ends of the spectrum. In a nutshell, BDSM is a term used to describe activities that involve unconventional sexual play and practices. It has become a lifestyle for those who practice it regularly but for others, it is simply Rihanna’s hit song. No matter how you view it, you cannot escape it because BDSM has already taken over the spotlight. Thanks to a certain R18 movie, pop culture has started a larger conversation on this once underground practice.
Contrary to popular belief, it is more than just sex. Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism is also about honesty, consent, expression, and communication. Communication is significant in any kind of relationship including a D/s one. Knowing how to use specific terms will help communicate and comprehend both your needs and wants which will result in a successful and satisfying relationship.
You might know the gist of the kinky fetish but a lot are still in the dark about the BDSM lingo. Stop scratching your head, and let’s start scratching that itch! Keep yourself in the loop on the need-to-knows about the world-famous fetish and expand your sex vocabulary! The following is a glossary of the most common BDSM jargon that we think you should know about.
Julbie’s BDSM Dictionary
We’ve boiled down the extensive language of BDSM to a tight vocabulary list of the essentials. These are the terms that we think is non-negotiable when you decide to take a dip into the world of pain, pleasure, and power.
Bondage: It is the act of restricting your partners' limbs or the whole body through the use of ropes, ribbons, chains – basically anything that can hold someone in place! These contraptions will help in the power exchange, making it clear who’s in charge.
Dominance: One half of the D/s relationship. The dominant side is the one in control. The dom/domme/dominatrix assumes the assertive role and calls the shots. They are in charge of how their partner receives pleasure or pain, or the absence of it.
Submission: In this dynamic power exchange, submission is having someone take full control over you. The sub’s fundamental role is to receive the power from the dom in whatever form it comes in. They willingly submit to their partner’s whims and wishes. Disobedience from the sub usually results in punishment.
Sado-Masochism: A.k.a sadism and masochism, this power exchange leans towards more on pain as a form of pleasure. Pain, whether it be physical or emotional, is the focal point in this relationship. Pleasure and passion are driven from receiving or giving pain-inflicting activities towards their partner. Sadists have the fundamental desire to give pain while masochists desire to receive it.
Play: This is an umbrella term which refers to the range of activities in which both parties engage in BDSM activities tapping on different types of kink. Play is a word usually used to set regular lives apart from the kinky side. Plays are sessions wherein both parties interact; get to know each other sexually and earn each other’s trust.
Impact Play: This refers to play which involves giving/receiving certain physical impact for sexual gratification. It may be as soft and delicate as a bite on the lips or as intense as an ass whipping. Props or toys can be used to fulfill this. Whips and paddles are two of the most popular accessories used in impact play.
Role Play: Setting a scenario-based from fantasies and playing a role different from your usual assumed roles. Role play costumes and props are also used to commit to the role play and to make the scene more convincing and believable. An example would be a school set up, the dom may play a strict teacher and the sub can play a naughty student. Role play ignites the partner’s imagination and creativity while satisfying their kink.
Safe, Sane and Consensual: Descriptive words to label the kind of relationship between the D/s. These are the standard of ethics set by the BDSM community to be clear to any kind of risk. BDSM methods will impose potential risks (physical, emotional and mental) if power is abused. Play partners are expected to abide by the SSC guiding principle to avoid danger and maintain a healthy relationship.
Safe Word: A word assigned to the couple that announces an uncomfortable situation. It could be any word agreed upon by the play partners. Safewords, such as “red!” or “Kaleidoscope!”, are uttered or exclaimed as a cue to stop or slow down.
Switch: A person who can take on both roles as a sub and a domme. A switch can happen when a BDSM participant receives a specific kind of energy from their current partner. They adapt this energy based on their partner and takes on a role which they think would fit.
Collared: When a dominant places or locks a collar around a sub’s neck, it represents ownership. BDSM collars are worn by the sub, not just as a sexy accessory but also as a sign of commitment to the relationship. Once worn, the submissive will not be available for any other relationship aside from the one they have with their dom. There are different stages of collaring and it ends in a slave collar which is like a wedding ring in a regular marriage.
Vanilla: A term used to describe sex or relationships which are opposite of BDSM. Vanilla is the level of intimacy wherein there is an absence of any kind of kink or fetish.
These terms will help keep the relationship healthy and open. More terms will emerge when you advance in the BDSM relationship so it is best to start with the list above so you can eventually plunge into the deep realm of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. A big chunk of the relationship is interaction, using clear and definite words to communicate your desires will help you reach the pinnacle of pleasure.
